if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
