i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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