real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
