I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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