...so i touched it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
