we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
