do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
