if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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