Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
