my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
being pregnant is like rehab
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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