the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize