His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i think i have two assholes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
