i was born a porn star she said
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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