Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
