I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i have herpe
just one?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
