Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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