I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
