oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
