The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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