all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
