He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Randomize
