WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're a waste of cheezeits
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
