he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
