I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
