Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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