the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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