hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
