My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
