She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize