I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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