what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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