what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
