the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
