Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
