mondays should just be called national damage control day
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
