i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
