People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bring me that man meat
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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