whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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