i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
