You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize