Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize