My hand turned me down
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
