I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize