just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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