I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
that may or may not have been my penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
