in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize