areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
