I'm eating all of the evidence.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
