im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
