i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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