the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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