I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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