We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
