he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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