Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
