if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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