i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
