One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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