is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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