I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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