who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
