She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
