bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
