A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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