some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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