Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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