dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
