recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
