Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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