i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
