The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
