Your tits are I can't wait for
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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