you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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