you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry about my life...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
