I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize