I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
